Spill it, Sister.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. -Anon

We’ve all had it happen: A friend walks up to you or calls you and tells you a juicy piece of information that sends your head spinning. You immediately think of a person you would like to share the information with and then, your friend’s final words come to you, “Oh, and please don’t say anything to anybody. I don’t know if I was supposed to tell anyone or not.”

Anne Taintor Art

Ah yes, we’ve all found ourselves in the gossip-mill before. It’s funny, or maybe it’s not so funny, that when we hear a piece of gossip we have a tremendous urge to tell someone, even if it’s just one person. -an excerpt from Christians and Gossip

I’ve been struggling with this issue a lot lately. It seems as though I’ll go days, or even weeks, without having to bite my tongue, and then low and behold….. I get a phone call or see a startling status online. And what does my mouth do? It’s as if being a member of the human race has wired us to automatically want to indulge in sharing it with someone. (Which is just as bad as sharing it with everyone.) That darned devil really knows how to get to us as women.

So  how in the world to we go about avoiding tempestuously spreading gossip? I couldn’t come up with a straight answer on my own, so I went  straight to where it all begins… the middle school hallways. This is what my (very headstrong) little sisters had to say.

1. At the first sign that someone is going to start gossiping about someone else, make a comment about how much you like the other person or praise them. It will quickly make the perpetrator feel awkward and they’ll most likely think twice about bad mouthing the third party.

2. Avoid places or people known for gossip. If put in a situation where gossip will likely occur (which, let’s face it, can be pretty often) be prepared to start your own conversation.

3. Be blunt and start telling people you don’t like gossip. This could probably offend some of your friends, but you shouldn’t surround yourself with those types of people anyhow.

4. (My favorite) If the gossipping doesn’t stop, respond with things like: Really, how cool? (sarcastically) Is that really true? Let’s go ask so and so… or Don’t know them, don’t care.

5. And lastly, if you believe in God and prayer, ask for guidance.

I am most definitely not perfect and although I don’t feel as though I allow myself to indulge in this sin, it is something that I think every lady needs to keep in check in becoming women of God and women-of-all-trades.

Stressed to Impress.

Whether we’re in the midst of an economic disaster or on the brink of a pay day, why is it that we never fail to dish out the dough for frivolous items (whether it be a new pair of Jimmy Choos or that new patio set you’ve had your eyes on for a while)… even if it means skipping a few meals? I mean, we’ll look better in that little black dress, right? Probably not.

Anne Taintor Art

We’ve all been there. Sometimes it’s just impulsive, but whether it be a job interview, date, or heck- just the nosy neighbors, you want yourself, your home, and everything else to look its best. One problem: no cash. Lucky you, there are some ways to shamelessly save so you can dress to impress in every way!

First, set yourself an imaginary budget before you do any major damage to the wallet. This should help you stay on target.

Two- Head straight for the back of the store! Make it a habit to frequent the hidden-away clearance racks before heading for the overpriced displays at the front.

Three- Be a savvy Internet shopper. Most websites have online-only sales, plus you can always do an Internet search for additional promotional codes.

Four- Go thrifting! Swallow your pride and don’t go when you’re in a big hurry. Shopping at thrift stores takes patience and time. But, sometimes you can spot brand new clothes with the tags still attached.

Five- Steer clear of expensive trend items. Allow yourself only to splurge on classic items, but stick to cheaper ones when it comes to trends you won’t wear or have around your home for more than a season or two.

And last, make sure you shop wisely. Don’t stress to impress or indulge in impulse buys… you’ll regret it later. Happy Shopping!

She Works Hard for the Money.

Recently a CNN  report that the number of women in the workforce could surpass men sparked a series of conversations where I’m currently employed. Quite a few of the women in my office were pleased at the thought of the possible statistics to come, however, you if take a deeper look at analyzing why this shift may occur, it’s merely a reflection of our economic times… or, perhaps, crisis.

Anne Taintor Art

It’s pretty obvious that unemployment is at an all time high. It shows no mercy, as I was on the receiving end of a dreaded pink slip, seemingly all too recently. The surge in the number of women in the workplace is affected directly in part by the collapse of male dominated jobs, not a miraculous increase in opportunity for the opposite sex. This, along with a general lack of employment for many, has sparked the need for women to take on more financial responsibility and the pressure to provide for their family. Apparently this cycle has not been something taken into consideration by my colleagues, even after I tried desperately to explain the causes and effects of the recession. They see the boom as leap in “past due recognition of accomplished ladies.”   (Followed by a stream of “YOU GO, GIRLS!”)

Ahem… are they serious?! We’re not talking about female senators, CEO’s, and business owners finally receiving long awaited praise. (They reap what they sow!) We’re talking about increased rates in middle class women attaining jobs they didn’t have before! Hello ladies… that’s us! And excuse me for saying, but getting a job doesn’t necessarily mean you deserve a pat-on-the-back.

I agree that men and women alike are capable of accomplishing great things. I believe that when an individual sets goals, implements them, and exemplifies high standards in work ethic, whether it be a temp/part-time position or a dream job, that that individual has full potential to achieve success and self-fulfillment.

Get off your high horse. I work hard for the money! 

And I don’t need recognition, just a paycheck.

I’m Becoming My Mother.

My mom had no hobbies that I could learn from like painting or sewing and I couldn’t understand why she didn’t play games with me. Now I understand: she was too tired.” -Kristen Kirk, a working mom.

This realization came to Kristen after working eight hours, driving her kids to three activities, making dinner and then – right before putting the kids to bed after a day that seemed like a week – supervising homework. She explains, “I was tired and just wanted to lie on the couch and watch TV. I expected my kids to entertain themselves just like my mom used to after spending all day doing the same things I do now. I’m so glad I had this epiphany and can better appreciate her.” As reported by Vicki Salemi in Morphing into Mom.

Anne Taintor Art

Just imagine: You quietly roll out of bed to start a pot of coffee and begin scribbling a tedious list of to-do’s so that they’ll be instantaneously embedded in your mind- for now, at least. You fluff the sofa cushions, put the remotes precisely in their place in the container to the left of the end table, and toss a few slices of bread in the toaster for your husband. A wipe of the counters and a kiss goodbye marks the start of a new day- but wait… Deja vu? Where did you learn this from? Your mother, of course.

This epiphany that so many of us refer to as ‘turning into our mothers’ can give us tremendous insight into parts of our moms that we’ve never appreciated or understood. So, why is it that we refer it as though it’s some ravenous, unavoidable disease?

Susan Newman, PhD and social psychologist, has stated that “Unless you had a horrible mother who was a non-parent, your mother is your teacher, your parenting skills and maternal instructor…It is the rare woman who can reject all her mother’s input, modeling and parenting style when she herself becomes a wife or mother. ”

 The issue at hand has never been something I’ve thought in depth about nor dreaded. I have always looked up to my mother, grandmother, and older siblings and I’ve never viewed their mannerisms as negative attributes, but rather a combination of  ingrained behaviors, wisdom, and maternal instincts alike. Unlike Kristen Kirk, my mom did have hobbies like sewing and painting (and cooking and cleaning and caring and …) to learn from, but regardless, as I’ve matured,  I too can’t seem to escape  that insight and understanding that comes as the mom-isms begin to creep in.

My mother is a light-hearted, nurturing, knows-just-the-right-thing-to-say/do, witty, problem solver. I cherish the habits I’ve grown to know and love her for. I can honestly say I’d be proud to turn out very much like my mother. Call me strange?

Or maybe-  just lucky.

It’s Not Me, It’s You.

As the breakout hit He’s Just Not That Into You has turned from a line in a script into a national catchphrase into an advice book for women into an appearance on Oprah, I couldn’t help but wonder, what if She’s just not into you?

In Greg Behrendt’s Men’s Health article he states “Be strong and take it like a man..” And goes on to list the how-to’s of ‘How to Get Over Her.’

The List Includes:

1. Initiating “She Tox” (de-tox)

No contact of any kind, starting right now, not tomorrow. By not seeing, calling, texting, e-mailing, or risking a chance encounter, you are sending a silent message that says, “I’m okay and am moving on without you.” And that’s the message you want to send, even if you’re on the floor of your apartment wrapped around an empty party ball.

2. Bag and Burn

Remove all photos of her and delete your computer wallpaper of the two of you in Cancun. Go all CSI on her, bagging every bit of evidence of her existence. Toss it or burn it.

3. Stop Being Friends

Women frequently claim they want to be “friends” after they dump you. Screw that. Any woman who took a long look at you and decided she’d try her luck elsewhere doesn’t deserve to be your friend anymore.

4. Quit Drinking

You have to realize she’s not hiding at the bottom of that Dewar’s and soda. Nothing takes the sting out of a battered heart like booze. But the morning after, the breakup pain is back and has brought a friend: the hangover.

5. Suround Yourself with Women

Maybe you think of yourself as the lone wolf, and that’s cool, but a breakup buddy helps. Having a breakup buddy means there’s someone to call when you’re close to drunk-dialing the ex, and someone to make sure you don’t fall off the face of the Earth.

6. Maintain Momentum

Stay in motion, kid. Walk it off. This is an awesome time for reevaluating and rebuilding, so find new things to do with your time. Also, pizza is not an activity, nor is crying.

7. Get Back on the Horse

You’ve heard this one, right?… But remember, lastly, don’t talk to the horse about your ex.

Anne Taintor Art

Now, I dawned a wedding gown before I dawned a cap and gown, but I think he might be onto something here. You can replace the he’s and she’s, but it’s pretty straight forward advice, either way.

Some ways a man can tell if we’re interested or not? Whether you’re having dinner for two or getting down on the dance floor, if she’s not looking at you, she’s not looking for you. Sure, everyone has a busy schedule, but it’s the quality of the excuse that counts. At a party, if she’s talking to Joe Schmo and Wendy Whatsherface more than she’s chatting with you, you’re nothing special to her. From lipstick to low-cut tops, if she never uses any of the tricks of the lady trade to look her best for you, she doesn’t think you’re worth her effort. And there are more… Get the idea?

In conclusion, a little tough love. I’m just going to throw it out there that I’m not the women’s rights/girl power/man hater activist type, so ladies, please, get over the breakup. Don’t hate men, they’re not all alike. And pretty is as pretty does. You’ll find the one your supposed to. “Be strong and take it like a woman.” Break up, have some chocolate therapy, vent, move on. That’s how to be a Woman-of-all-Trades.

She was the Life of the Tupperware Party…

”I’ve got cosmopolitans,” a close friend calls from her sprawling kitchen, as she gives a silver martini shaker a final swish. There are snacks in the living room, hip music on the stereo and a stream of smartly dressed women coming through the front door.

This was a Tupperware party.

As stated in a New York Times blog article, “If June Cleaver joined ‘Sex and the City’… These are Tupperware parties for today’s women.”

The Tupperware party, symbolizing the blandness of 1950′s suburbs, is back with a vengeance in affluent and rural American communities. Retooled for a new generation, it has become a girls’ night out, a book club meeting without the book, an excuse to have fun away from the home front while slyly seeking its betterment.

For some women cognizant of the Tupperware parties of the past, the idea of attending one today seems so corny, it is almost cool. For Tupperware, moving the sales from teatime to cocktail hour may have had an unintended payoff. Inhibitions tend to dissipate by the second or third martini, just as the women are pulling out their checkbooks.

“We try so hard not to be considered homemakers anymore, but the reality is that everybody eats, everybody has a kitchen and everybody has leftovers.” -Pamela Kellogg

Worldwide, Tupperware continues to derive more than 90 percent of its $1.1 billion in annual sales from more than a million in-home ”consultants,” who recruit hosts for parties. It generates 85 percent of its sales outside the United States. In recent years, the company has added new channels of distribution, namely Target stores, mall kiosks and the Internet. -http://query.nytimes.com

Anne Taintor Art

Yet the Tupperware party offers something the other venues do not: a captive audience. Some parties focus on a topic with the aim of helping women save time, money or both. Aside from the acclaimed ‘Tupperware’ theme, others parties I have attended include:

• The Pampered Chef
• Mary Kay
• Creative Memories
• Cameo Lingerie
• PartyLite
• ‘Purse’ parties (and jewelry)
• and the list goes on…

And if you don’t want to sell anything? Or buy anything, for that matter.

Think of some creative ways to get your girlfriends together without setting up a home party with a business. Recently, I’ve decided to invite a group of friends over to have a yard “Living Room Sale.” I think it would be a great way not only to encourage everyone to clean out some closets, but maybe be a little philanthropic, as well! The general idea is to go through your cabinets, closets, and all other secret ‘stuff’ hiding spots and set aside anything that you don’t want or need anymore. (Clothes, home decor and like items, kitchen, bath, etc.) Then everyone brings all their stuff over and we set it up in the living room while we socialize. All items are free for trade and barter and anything left over will be donated to charity. Great idea, right?! One (wo)man’s trash is another man’s treasure. And the best part… It’s free.

So, go ahead, embrace your inner housewife… “This stuff is gonna change your life.” -Dixie Longate of the humorous Dixie’s Tupperware Party

Stop Me Before I Volunteer Again

Reference information retrieved from Gender Differences In Multitasking.

          ”Multitasking: Screwing things up simultaneously.” -Anon.

           The term “multitasking” has only recently been coined. According to the Merriam Webster dictionary the word has been in use since around 1966… But it’s been in practice since the beginning of time. It’s called being a woman.

“There is speculation that women are more efficient at multitasking.” -Dr. Christina Williams, the chair of the Psychology Department at Duke University

Ha! You are kidding me.

          HIGHLIGHTERS. Have them. Use them. Love them. I am a time management extraordinaire, take it from me!  But I’ll admit, I think these may be as good… :).

Ways not to multitask:

• Men Can Multitask, Too
• Multitasking Baby
• Why Men Shoudln’t Multitask
• Multitasking Phone
• Manlaw-Multitasking
• Does Anything Work?
• Who Says Men Can’t Multitask?
• Multitasking Cat

These are all in good fun… we all know the only real way to decrease your overloaded agenda is: Say No. Like that’s going to happen.

Anne Taintor Art

 So. How exactly are we supposed to master this balancing act. (And I’m not talking about multitasking.) I mean, how are we supposed to succeed at maintaining the hectic schedule and still be fulfilled, satisfied… and not bitter because we feel ‘jipped’ by our own deliberate delegation of personal time? I realize and respect that individuals are hard wired differently. I can’t stand a dishrag to be folded incorrectly, much less my car to be messy, homework disheveled, or ((gasp)) to be late. BUT, there are a lot of people who could care less about, or are just plain bad at, maintaining  neatness, organization, and punctuality. That doesn’t mean that those individuals won’t have busy days and a plethora of responsibility in the cards for them. But it does mean that busy-ness doesn’t escape anyone unless it’s by choice and it’s all up to us to decide how we are going to handle these schedules and what our attitude is going to be like while doing it.

Now, my response to this is fairly simple, but it’s realization is something that has taken me a long time to recognize. It became apparent when I was doing a bit of soul searching amid my very hectic college schedule. A compressed agenda consisting of work, social time, family time, a husband, sorority and school commitments, and a mile high stack of general extracurriculars. When was I supposed to sleep? And why did I feel like I was doing everything for nothing? It was no secret, I was excelling at all of them. But I wasn’t satisfied with how I was spending my time. Currently, it is stressed to students and professionals alike to become involved, do this, do that, build your resume. What they don’t tell you is how important it is to allocate your time to things that are important to you. Things that interest you and that make you feel satisfied, fulfilled. I have recently audited my list of things-to-do-in-my-extra-time and replaced the resume fillers and guilt enticed volunteer positions with things that I feel are important enough to spend my time doing. You’ll feel stronger and more confident because you’re taking control of your own time.  If it doesn’t entail my family or a work commitment, I ask myself if it is something that will fulfill me upon completion. Is someone depending on me to do this? Will I be satisfied with what I have accomplished during this activity? For the most part, I aspire to answer yes… And it has made all the difference.